This is allegedly the work of Josh Phillips, a Kiwi. I think he may have aspirations to eclipse LOTR, but I'm not so sure this is what the producers of D9 have in mind! ;)
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District 9 Mark 2 - Wickus's sexy wife leaves him and shacks up with a
baddy
He woos her back and she bonks the Bug (Wickus)
The Bugs return and turn him back to a human
The Bugs go home
His wife has a human baby but at the end you have a check into its eyes
- PURE BUG!!!
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District 9 Mark 3 - the baddies take over
Life is unbearable but a hero arises with Bug-like powers - Guess who?!!
Wickus's son!!!
He asks the Bugs to help but a rogue Bug intercepts the message and
comes back with the intention of taking over the world to strip it of
its resources to feed his fledgling empire
A battle commences and the rogue Bug flattens the Baddies. Then -
HORROR! - he starts taking over the world! Who would have thought it!!!
Up to the plate strides Little Wickus, beats up the rogue Bug and
restores peace.
However he is restless ... and we hear the Bugs have finally got his
message and are coming
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District 9 Mark 4 - Wickus's son welcome the Bugs who are rejected by
earth
He is desperate to stop them being annihilated
In the end he escapes with them back to their planet
On board the Bug spaceship he meets a sexy little Bugess (good thing
he's not a bugger)
They have a liaison much to the consternation of all the other Bugs
When they arrive back they discover their planet has been defeated by
Znorgz (part mechanical little dudes whose tactic is to eat
intergalactic baked beans, enter the Bug bloodstream and explode them
from within by farting)
Wickus's son (Little Wickus) proves to be the hero ( major battles
follow). Eventually he is attacked/entered by Znorgz but the remains of
SA boerewors in his digestive tract are so toxic they kill off the
attacking Znorgz. The Bugs bottle Little Wickus's farts and develop
lethal weaponry to eventually defeat the Znorgz.
By now Peter Jackson is a billionaire and retires to South Africa where
he puts on all the weight he lost by eating boerewors and pap to excess,
builds a mansion and a Theme Park called District 9.9 recurring
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District 9 Mark 5 - is basically a movie about food starring Peter
Jackson himself as the Chief Gourmandiser. Wickus is now senile and
speaks only in Bug. Little Wickus and his Bug wife live next door with
the little Buggers they've produced. There is a cameo shot of Bugger
no.3 who plays prop for his school team causing devastation in the scrum
after secretly scoffing baked beans prior to the match.
Most of the movie is Peter Jackson in his kitchen making food which, it
turns out, is believed in espionage circles to be fuel for a secret
weapons system based on the old flatulence tactic. It is especially
popular in Middle Eastern countries where it breaks all box office
records and where movie patrons are seen hastily scribbling down
ingredients
Peter Jackson and Little Wickus set up a food expert company which
revolutionises the world economy as every country wants to stock the
fuel for their Foodtron weapons systems
When all believe Armageddon is about to break out, in fact peace breaks
out as it appears the food does not work as a weapon. Eater (his name
has changed) Jackson get the Nobel Peace prize. As he is making his
acceptance speech, the entire planet breaks out in 'Bronx cheers' - this
degree of synchronized flatulence has never been seen before
The movie ends with Little Wickus and his brood of buggers taking off in
a Bug spaceship and laughing hysterically to the final shot: earth
exploding in one mammoth fart
Woo hoo!!!
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